Off Topic: "I Am Legend" - TERRIBLE!

DISCLAIMER: This article has SPOILERS. If that bothers you, don’t read it. I think it’s silly to worry about, but either way, you’ve been warned.

It’s been a while since I did an off-topic like this, but today I’m so indignant I had to write.

After reading good reviews (I need to find better sources) I decided to take a chance and watch the film I Am Legend, which had just opened here. I really liked Will Smith’s last film The Pursuit of Happyness and people said he goes dramatic again. That motivated me to give it a shot.

The beginning of the film is very good. The cinematography is excellent. The editing is fast, dynamic. And even though Will Smith is practically the only actor on screen for most of the film, he does a genuinely good job. The technical crew did outstanding work recreating a deserted New York. The tension moments are well crafted. In short, every trick in the manual was used.

However, when one of the monsters first appears, the disappointment kicks in immediately: it reminded me of the horrendous special effects from films like The Mummy Returns. In a post-Matrix, post-Lord of the Rings era, there is no excuse for creating such terrible monsters. Even so, that’s still forgivable.

The other problem is that the film’s story is only superficially based on Richard Matheson’s novel. A superficial adaptation wasn’t hard to predict either. Even so, the film had been building good tension and was entertaining. Which is exactly why the third act was doubly disappointing. The entire Alice Braga sequence is disposable.

It starts with a joke I still don’t understand. Alice’s character, Anna, says in the film that she came from São Paulo, Brazil. Then mid-conversation, Will’s character Robert asks if she knows Bob Marley. And she makes a face like: “never heard of him”. She says it straight out!

Ok, the story is set in 2012, which isn’t that far away. Even me — who is practically illiterate when it comes to music — knows Bob Marley and the song they played in the film. What are they trying to say? “In Brazil there’s only jungle and nobody there has ever heard of Bob Marley?” Either way that’s not important, but I found it strange. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt because maybe I didn’t get the joke.

Now, the “God sent me” part… no, no, so fucking sorry! I couldn’t swallow it. What does that have to do with the story?? Worse, the story took it seriously!! The Anna character “started listening better to signs from heaven”. She showed up in the story to save Robert at the exact moment he was about to die. She heard Robert’s radio message because she received a divine signal, and she knows, simply knows, that a survivor colony exists (complete with address, more efficient than Google Maps!) because God told her … oh well …

And at the end the guy actually has a divine vision and decides to die! And the colony really exists! Good grief. I hate when a film starts thinking too highly of itself.

It left an even worse taste in my mouth than another terrible film: “Signs” by M. Night Shyamalan. Same thing: the film starts with a serious atmosphere, builds tension. Was going along great until it completely fell apart, also in the third act: the dying woman delivers a message from heaven: “oh, tell him to swing the bat…” And they show the little green aliens!! And the guy swings the stick and saves the world!

God damn! Ok, I Am Legend has nothing to do with the novel of the same name. The book ends completely differently. The theme is completely different and far more interesting. If you go see the film, when Anna appears, walk out. Up to that point it’s a reasonable film; after that, prepare yourself for a massive disappointment. I’m shocked by the sheer lack of quality in the storytelling. Akiva Goldsman worked on the screenplay, which explains a lot — this is the same person who managed to ruin the Da Vinci Code adaptation.

I’ve seen bad films by the dozen. But we know they’re bad and they don’t take themselves too seriously. Take “Resident Evil.” Mediocre, but it knows it is, and at least it’s fun to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. This film, on the other hand, promises a lot at the start, then at the end it’s like that guy who turns around and says “gotcha!”

The marketing team for this film is very good! They managed to extract many positive reviews from all over the place. Even on Rotten Tomatoes it got 68% approval! Far more than it deserves. Anything above single digits (on a 0-to-100 scale) is too generous.

The next film people are talking up and generating some hype around is Cloverfield. Let’s see if it’s as good as they say.